FAQs ALSO KNOWN AS FREQUENTLY GIVEN RESPONSES FGRs
What is Double Cobra Milling?
Double Cobra Milling is a secret society started in the 1970s in the bushes at a beach resort in Biarritz France. Nice place-a little touristy in the summer. But some union protests pushed everything out of Europe and into North Africa and Central Asia.
Fast forward to 2014. Daniel Baca telepathically connected with Ned Martin, one of the first secret members from France. Ned was dying of a horrific foot infection that had spread to his lungs and also pineal gland. Oh forgot to mention Daniel had the avian flu and was wacked out on powerful drugs when this all went down. Nothing illegal. Mainly cough syrup. Just a crazy and TRUE fever dream. Anyway Daniel got the secret information and then he reached out to Dave with all this new found information. So they did the secret body language/symbol thingies just like Ned said to do. Then they started drawing double cobra milling images in the dirt next to their sawmill. This went on for months and they felt a strong and powerful presence come over their bodies. Convulsions became severe one day and they writhed in the dirt, sawdust and gravel until the spirits of all the former 1970s members touched them deep into their souls. Daniel emerged from this experience and immediately shouted powerfully, “I AM COBRA ONE!!! I’VE GOT LOGS BITCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.” Dave leaped high into the air, like 10 feet at least and he screamed, “I AM COBRA 2. I’ve ALSO GOT LOGS BITCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.”
So that’s why there are Double Cobra Milling clothes for you to buy. It was either that or sell flowers like the Moonies. Nice clothes seemed better.
Do your clothes fit humans?
All of our shirts and hoodies have holes where your head pops out and sleeve holes too where you can stick out arms. People shapes are not all the same. Cobra 1 tends to have a weird stomach shape so natural you’re gonna see that when he wears shirts and jackets. Cobra 2 had an odd look in general and no amount of help is gonna do anything for that poor bastard. But it doesn’t matter. He’s gonna put on a Double Cobra Milling shirt and go about his day no matter what!
Here’s a recommendation-SOAK YOUR DOUBLE COBRA MILLING PRODUCTS IN OLIVE OIL SO THEY SLIDE ONTO YOUR BODY BETTER AND JUST REALLY STICK TO YOUR SKIN. ****REMEMBER IF YOU DO THIS WE WONT TAKE BACK YOUR SHIRT FOR ANY REASON. NOT EVER.
For real, this is an awesome idea which neither Cobra 1 or Cobra 2 have tried or even thought about trying but no one is gonna stop you! Don’t use canola oil though. It’s not going to work very well. Also it’s less healthy.
Do you run out of stock like flaky jerk heads?
If we run out we can make more stuff. It’s a bunch of nonsense to coordinate but we have skills. It just means you wont get your shirt for a while but it’s not like it’s a life saving device. Life affirming clothes yes. Just get some counseling or take a good brisk walk and then wait a bit. We’ll do our best to help you out and get you what you ordered. Unless you yell at us. Then foot dragging and resistive behavior will be the norm for weeks to months.
We’ll ship to ANYWHERE shipping goes. Just know it can get pricy! Like crazy pricy if you are in Mongolia or like in Namibia. But we can do it! Go to one of the other pages and find the address to email us about international shipping. If you can’t figure it out then we can’t help you.
You can email us pretty much anything you want. We probably wont respond but then again maybe we will. If nothing else it’s good writing practice and that’s worth the price of admission! Email firstname.lastname@example.org Also, feel free to contact Douggpound or Brent Weinbach if you want. They might have merch for sale so look into that and buy whatever they are selling but only after you buy one of everything from us. Like in your size.
Oh, don’t be too mean with emails unless you feel you have to. It’s emotionally draining. If you are having joint pain problems and so forth and need to blow off some steam, you can send us something a little bit terse. But please keep the accusatory language to a minimum.